School of Science



                       EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH                   DAVID MOYES

                                  BY 

                              KENYON LEDFORD

 

I caught up with Moyes in his office. We had a nice little preamble and then I began the interview. I preface this by saying although I feel that I am a good writer, interviewing is a whole new ballgame for me and isn't as easy as one would think. That said...

David, thanks for making the time to allow me to interview you, it's truly an honour

DM: It's my pleasure, Kevin. I'm happy to discuss Everton with you. 

ME: Let's hope you still think so after this interview.

DM: (Laughs) I'm sure you'll do just fine.

ME: Okay, well, I'm going to be asking some questions some of the lads from the LASH website wanted me to ask you. I don't want to do a scripted interview, so I've printed out the questions and I'll ask them to you at random.

DM: Sure, Kevin, fire away.

ME: Okay, this question is from PhilT and...okay, so, WE don't care that you have red hair. Do you care?

DM: (Pause, then laughs) Oh, it's going to be one of those kinds of interviews, all right then. No, never cared about the colour of my hair...wish my temperament was a wee-bit more...relaxed.

ME: (Laughs) Okay, this one is from Mallaca Blue and he wants to know if Kenwright--wait, okay, let me get another question for you. Okay, this one is from Bretts Back and he...oh, okay. He wants to know if you created your great midfield based on the lessons learned against Villarreal?

DM: Well, I...what lessons?

ME: Umm...not sure, he didn't...let me bring up another question.


ME: Okay, this is from DOM, and he says...to ask you if you knew that the last time you started 4-4-2 that we beat Spurs, and that...oops, nevermind, just that question.

DM: Well, if you look back to the last time we beat Spurs you will realize that it was not a 4-4-2 we were playing, but a soft--
(He began to speak too quickly for me)

ME: Dave, I'm sorry, I'm not that good with the Scottish language, can you speak slower?

(His connection began to break up for a second)

DM: I'm sorry, Kevin, can you hear me?

ME: Okay, yeah, I got you, Dave. Actually, it's "Kenyon."

DM: You say you have another call?

ME: No, no, never mind. Um, here's another question from...Clint Eastwood, and he wants to know--

DM: The cowboy!

ME: What? Oh, no, it's just a name. People on internet forums don't usually use their own...anyway, Clint...well, this guy wants to know if you have ever felt that your career parallells that of Earnest Shackleton?

DM: Shackleton...Oh yeah, Arctic explorer, leader of the nimrod expedition.

ME: (accidental laugh) Did you say, "Nimrod?"

DM: What site did you say you write for again?

 ME: School of Science. Okay, anyway, the lads wanted me to read some Everton poems--

DM: Where did you say you know Graham from?

ME: This is from a fellow Scot, Robbie Rae: 

Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, Yakubu scores a goal

Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, header left, peg right,

Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, Yakubu, master of the goal

Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, Net me a hat trick, Yak my mate

Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, the sound of Yakubu scoring three before halftime.

Hello?

ME: AND HE'S SCORING THEM ALL FOR ROVERS YOU GINGER CUNT!